You don't know what you've got till its gone...

So yesterday I went on this retreat with my dance committee group. I was really looking forward to it and thought it would be a great chance for me to go and make a lot of really great new friends. As it turned out, I kept trying to fit in to all these different little cliques, and it didn't work. I haven't felt so alone in a long time... I really missed my roommates. It was the first night being without them in over 3 weeks. I missed them all day. The worst though was when I sat down to read my scriptures before going to sleep. It was 2 in the morning and I was exhausted, but all I kept thinking was that I haven't missed a day since moving to Rexburg; it was my first night without a roomie scripture study and prayer. I just about lost it and broke into tears. I caught myself though. There were only a couple other girls awake at this point, but I still didn't want anyone to see me unhappy. So, I called Jessica. She didn't answer. Well, finally after reading a chapter and saying a prayer, I was able to fall asleep among all these people I didn't know. Jessica did call about an hour later, but I was too slow to get out of my sleeping bag and run across the hall. By the time I answered my phone, she was gone. I was exhausted and for some reason wasn't quite sure if I dreamed her calling me, just because I wanted to talk to her so badly. So I went back to sleep...

I'm not going to say the whole trip was terrible because it wasn't. I did meet a lot of people, we played a lot of fun games, and I learned a lot. I just felt so alone. It was one of the very few times in my life I've ever felt so alone. I couldn't handle it.

I want you all to know that I love you and I miss you. I literally pray for you all every night. I can't wait until I can see you again.

I am feeling better now. Kristilyn and I had a nice talk tonight, one that I really needed to have. I just cried to her about all my frustrations and worries, and she made me feel so much better. I am so glad to have loving, understanding roommates who are always there for me when I need them.

I am so grateful for all of you, family & friends. It is so uplifting to know that I can also count on you at any given time of day. I am so blessed.

Love you all. Have a wonderful night and Sunday tomorrow :)

<3 Me